Intimacy

When I was interviewing people in relationships about sex and intimacy, the look of awe on their faces when they talked about sexual intimacy had me hooked. Sexual intimacy is the “X” factor in a relationship. While sexual intimacy is just one part that makes up the whole of intimacy within a relationship, because it is made up of so many things, it can be affected by so many things. because intimacy can be shook so easily, you want to be sure do what you can to safeguard your relationship from looking intimacy totally. This can be done by noticing your behavior and being curious of why you’re being that way. maybe you’re not asking your partner about their day etc. it can be hurtful when our partner(s) make us aware of our actions and how it makes them feel. Maybe we don’t think we did anything wrong. This is an opportunity for growth, why did you behave that way? what affect is your actions having on your intimacy (what?). While intimacy is a necessary part of a longterm, committed sexual relationship, it needs to be balanced with autonomy in order for sexual desire to take place. The messages we receive from society tell us that we should know everything about our partner(s) from their deepest fantasies to what they had from breakfast this morning. This notion is romantic beyond reality. When we give ourselves fully to another person and are too intimate, desire is suffocated. The experts, including Esther Perel, Emily Negowski and David Schnarch agree that intimacy much be balanced with autonomy in a relationship if sexual desire is to be present. If the relationship grows too intimate without the balance of individualism, what once was a fulfilling and fun sexual relationship can become more like a familial relationship. Through discussing and assessing boundaries, intimacy can start to feel more enjoyable rather than smothering.